Guy Reams (00:00.834)
This is my recording for day 30. Self-disclosure is good. I'm pre-recording this one because I will be traveling all day long and in airports. So my ability to record in an airport is very limited. So consequently, I'm recording this ahead of time. I was thinking yesterday, and it's really kind of keeping with me.
This idea that I learned back in college, and that was on self-disclosure. I was a communication major. I got my degree in argumentation and rhetoric, if you can believe that. They actually had a degree in argumentation and rhetoric. So of course I had to pick that one, just because it sounded cool. So I'm in this class, one of my classes was on interpersonal communications. That was one of the classes that you had to take.
You know, there was some required classes that we had to take. had to take this required class on environmental impact. We had to take a required class on multicultural or gender studies, which I think were, there was actually some meaning in those classes that I did gain. I don't really denigrate the concept. think I actually gained some value there. So that was good. But honestly, the most impactful class I had,
was the one on interpersonal communication. And I remember that one the most. Like, I don't really remember the other ones all that much. There are a couple things I do get from those, but the one college class that really hit me was the interpersonal communication class. And the reason why that was is because it was taught in an interesting way. We were actually required as a group to meet with each other and
and have these sessions where we would talk about important issues to us personally. And that required us to open up to the group. And normally when you sit in college classes, you don't get this opportunity. You're very much in a Socratic lecture method, right? Where the teacher's teaching and you ask questions. But in this case, we were required to work with each other and have these very difficult and very
Guy Reams (02:22.164)
interesting interpersonal communications. And of course, I was a young man at the time. I was, you know, in my early twenties and I had never really well, no, I take that back. I had interacted with with people my age and older, but I had never really interacted on that type of intellectual level with with people that were significantly older than me. And what was interesting is we as we were sharing these thoughts back and forth, one
Concept that became very universal was that self-disclosure is actually good Now what do I mean by self-disclosure? I? Mean being honest about who you are being honest about what's going on in your life Telling people what your struggles and worries are and being open about it This can be very difficult to do because most of my life. I've always been pretending to be somebody I'm not
And that's not a bad thing. I don't think don't take that as bad I think it's actually good that we try to become something better than we are and Sometimes you have to you have to act like what you want to become in order to become it So sometimes you do have to be an imposter But we do most of us do go around with imposter syndrome most of us even those that are very successful And I have been pretty successful in my career and in my life
I haven't been as successful as I wanted to be, but I've certainly had success. And the entire time, 20s, 30s, and in my 40s, I was in this imposter mentality. And I think many people can relate to this.
But I've learned now that I'm older, I reflect back on that interpersonal communication class. And I remember that self-disclosure is actually a good idea. Now, you don't need to disclose to everybody in the universe, but you can certainly disclose to the people that you trust or you want to be close to. So number one, the reason why you want to self-disclose is by sharing personal experiences, thoughts, emotions.
Guy Reams (04:35.308)
with people in your close inner circle, that creates a sense of closeness. It's a sense of trust. We open up, right? We open up and we signal vulnerability and we signal authenticity. And people like that. That creates a mutual understanding, a mutual connection between people. If you're not willing to disclose, then people are just not going to trust you. And this is hard for me.
Cause I've always been in this mode where I want to, you know, portray a certain image. And a lot of people are like this. This is not a bad thing. It's good to want to portray an image that is a certain thing. It's good to do that. That's part of this ego thing, right? It's good to have an ego like that, but it also is bad if it prevents you from building close relationships.
And so I've had to learn over time to be willing to share more, even though I'm reluctant to do so. I also think if you disclose to people, especially in your business world or in your personal world, if you disclose to people, it opens the pathway for more communication to occur. For example, in my work life balance, if I, if I'm willing to disclose more about what's going on with me,
to my colleagues that I'm much more likely for them to also communicate to me the other way, to let me know what's going on. So there's a trust thing there, right? So sometimes when you need to get things done, you need communication pathways to be open. So a lot of leaders just assume when they get into an environment, a tough thing comes, the leader thinks that they can just drop the hammer down.
tell everybody what needs to happen and everybody will just go do it. I'm sorry, but the open lines of communication are not that easy to establish. Just because you're the leader, just because you get the title, doesn't mean that the pathways of communication are there. You have to earn those. You have to build those. They don't happen overnight. I also think by self-disclosing, being willing to be vulnerable,
Guy Reams (07:02.862)
actually helps you with stress because oftentimes when you're trying to play this game of who you are and you're trying to portray yourself a certain way to everybody then that can be very stressful but if you're willing to let some people in at least within your close circle then that really helps with stress because you now have an outlet
And for the longest time, I wouldn't even disclose to my wife, right? I wouldn't even disclose to her what's going on. And I still don't, I still guard all the time. This is just who I am. I'm very introverted that way. So, but I would recommend it, even though I have a hard time accepting it, I would recommend it because what I do mentally, I feel better. I also think by disclosing to others, letting other people know what's going on with you.
and being willing to do so. That process of disclosing really helps you with your own personal growth. It helps you recognize patterns in your thought. Oftentimes trusted people that you know are able to provide commentary back to you and really help you think through your mental thought pattern. I don't know about you, but I get in these ruts.
And I think the same way, think the same way, think the same way. And I think I'm right, but I'm dead wrong. It's like being lost in the wilderness. I don't know if you've ever been lost in the wilderness, but when you get lost in the wilderness, you think that you are going the right way for a long period of time until you realize that you're not. And that's why people get lost. It's never.
gee, I don't know where I'm at. It's never that. Lost people always think they're heading in the right direction until they realize too late that they're not. And that's same thing in life. You think that this way of thinking is right, and so you barrel down that way until one day you wake up and realize that you were wrong the entire time. And that is so hard to accept. So by opening up to people more,
Guy Reams (09:24.802)
by being willing to disclose more, you'll find that people reciprocate and they provide you feedback. And I'm telling you, feedback from a trusted loved one is precious gold. If you can build that, I would utilize it frequently.
Professional relationships with business colleagues, with mentors, with employees, with clients, they will be the thing that drives you to success. If there's one barrier to me being as more successful, it has been my inability to build better, stronger relationships. And this is just a personal flaw of mine. I'm very inward. Like, you know, I get a lot of
value out of just being by myself. And that's just the way I am. I'm not going to try to hide that. But I've noticed that other people that are more willing to have a strong, to disclose and to have these relationships, they really build lasting long-term relationships that really add value to their lives over time.
So by willing to be more approachable, by willing to give more of yourself, to be willing to disclose more about your emotions, there's a greater likelihood that you will build better professional relationships. And your professional relationships are ultimately what will drive you to success. I can name every success I've had, I can attribute it to a professional relationship that I've built. Every one of them.
And so, jeez, if I were to tell my younger self one piece of advice, it would be to build relationships with intent and to cherish them like gold treasure, because that's what they are. Professional relationships with people that in a decision-making capacity, like a client or an employee or a mentor or somebody you look up to, if you can build those relationships and maintain them,
Guy Reams (11:38.892)
They will bring you more value than anything else you can do. You can answer 1,000 emails, and you could be the ultimate taskmaster, but you will never be able to individually overcome the power of a meaningful, well-built relationship. Treasure them like gold. Finally, empathy is a difficult emotion to understand.
You can have empathy for others and they can have empathy for you. There's nothing better in your life than to experience empathy in reverse. I have a lot of empathy for others and I tend to absorb their problems. Like, you know, somebody I'll hear somebody talking and they're having a bad experience and I'll absorb that. I'll want to help them. And so I do have a tendency to have empathy, but very rarely do I.
Get empathy in return and that's not there. It's not I'm not blaming other people I'm blaming myself the reason I'm not getting empathy in return is because I don't let them know that I'm having a problem I portray myself as as well together put together awesome, dude, and I don't portray anything Negative hardly ever. I mean, I'm just always trying to be coming from a position of strength and That that's gotten me That's helped me in life, but I'm telling you
In my darkest hours, when I've had that personal friend or loved one express empathy to me, it has lifted me out of the darkest tunnels, the darkest holes, and really helped me go forward in life. So man, I tell you, the one thing that you should work on in your life is building meaningful relationships. Man, maybe by the time you're 90,
or 100 years old, you will have built maybe 15 to 20 really meaningful relationships. These take a long time to build. They are not easy. So what are your 20 going to be, right? What are your 20? Maybe I'll write about that tomorrow. That's a good idea. What are your 20 relationships, right? So anyway, practice self-disclosure. Try it.
Guy Reams (14:06.442)
Open up to people. See what happens.