Guy Reams (00:03.054)
This is day 328, the generational mindset. One of the most difficult things to grapple with is changing the way you think because of a generational mindset. My wife and I were talking last night about Gen X people like us who were raised by parents who were far more hands off. Everyone talks about children of the 70s who wandered free and came home after the streetlights came on or went off.
In my case, we did not have any streetlights, but I remember a few times rambling in after the sun went down. I did get in trouble once for coming home far too late, but most of the time, as long as my mom generally knew where I was and when to expect me, I was fine. As a consequence, I think my entire generation took the opposite approach to parenting our children. We raised Gen Z and became hypervigilant in our support and involvement in their lives.
People now say that my generation is known for fierce independence, whereas the newer generations exhibit more dependency. This is a generational mindset, one of being extra careful and having qualities that we usually call perfectionism. My mother's generation, the Baby Boomers, was all about new things.
They wanted modern cars and modern houses. They saw the world after major wars and as a consequence were tired of old institutions that had caused such calamities. They saw opportunity and appreciated the spoils of modern society. My mom always jokes that every time her house gets dirty, she has to fight the temptation to just go buy another one and move out. The thing is, my mom is not alone. This is a generational mindset and it is common among her peers.
Getting something new or the new thing has always been a top of mind solution for any problem that a boomer encounters. This is a sweeping generalization of course, but when an entire society tends to exhibit the same traits, it's really difficult to be different. These are examples of macrogenerational patterns. The harder ones to deal with are the patterns that are specific to your current situation. The family you were in,
Guy Reams (02:20.898)
your socioeconomic status, the region you were born into, your religious background, and the culture you come from are all significant factors that establish your mindset early on. These are tough to overcome and often require several decades of concerted effort, usually led by one particularly strong person who is viewed by others as pushing the boundaries. Although I have had great examples of my life, I was still born into a larger family setting
with a working class mindset. There's nothing wrong with this. In fact, much good comes from it. But in terms of understanding what is possible in life, it can be limiting. Although I was taught that I could do anything that I wanted to, imagination of what that could be was limited to the known universe. That known universe is limited by the scope of the mindset that you are brought into.
The hardest part of overcoming a generational mindset is to recognize it as a limitation. It feels like error, shared and invisible. Begin by watching your reflexes, the phrases that you repeat without thinking, the assumptions that you defend with a tired, because that's how it's done. Write one of those rules on a page, then ask what it has cost you. Friendships not pursued, risks not taken, skills never tried.
Find one small act that violates the rule and do it today, then do it again tomorrow. Not to rebel for its own sake, but to test whether the world ends when you step outside the fence. Invite a voice from another generation to review your blind spot. Listen without debate. Take one suggestion and put it into practice for a season. Keep a simple log of what you've tried and what you've changed. Evidence has a way of loosening the grip of the old stories.
Pray if you are so inclined, reflect if you are not, but keep showing up with honesty. Over time, the pattern becomes visible, and once you see it plainly, you are free to choose something better. Then you must be willing to be the anomaly, the one who steps first and splits the waves without a crowd behind you. Many families rise because one ancestor decides to carry a new story.
Guy Reams (04:39.926)
A quiet worker who endures misunderstanding and keeps on going. External criticism is sharp, yet the hardest cuts come from your own tribe. The raised eyebrow at the table, the rumor that you forgot where you come from. Accept that cost with bitterness, stand your ground with patience, and anchor yourself in daily commitments. Work, study, save, serve, and let time do its work. Speak less and produce more. Invite those who doubt to judge the fruit, not the noise.
Hold respect for your people even as you change the pattern. Forgive quickly and keep your door open. The path is never easy and always difficult. Yet if you stay steady long enough, the new path becomes normal and those who follow will now call it tradition. On one hand, there is a small comfort. If you find the path difficult, remember that you are not only pushing past your own mindset, you are pressing against an entire generation, an entire family.
an entire social structure that was built to keep you in place. That is why it feels heavier than it should. On the other hand, there is no real alternative. You must take it on. Be the breaker of rules, the destroyer of tired narratives, the unbounded fool amongst the bounded and the logical. Stand with respect, endure the criticism, and keep moving until your new way becomes the quiet truth that others can now follow.