Guy Reams (00:01.25)
This is day 188, loyalty to reality. I value loyalty, I always have. It's one of those principles that I hold close, sometimes too close. I tend to stay loyal even when the situation has shifted, even when the evidence is starting staring me right in the face. This puts me in a difficult spot more often than I would like to admit. I'm loyal to people, to ideas,
plans that no longer serve me well. So I've been thinking about how to frame this in a way that helps me move forward when I need to. Loyalty is a good thing. It builds trust. creates stability. It shows commitment. But there's a version of loyalty that does not service. And I've been thinking, I've been practicing that for far too long. The mistake of staying loyal to potential after reality has made itself clear. What is the trap of potential?
Potential is seductive. It is the promise of what could be. It is the vision we hold in our minds of how things might turn out if everything goes right. We invest in that vision. We commit to it. We stay loyal to it. And when the reality does not match the potential, we tell ourselves to keep believing. We tell ourselves that if we just hold on a little longer, the potential will materialize. But potential is not reality. Potential is hope. And hope is important.
but it cannot replace what is actually happening. When reality shows you that the potential you were loyal to is not going to happen, at least not right now, staying loyal to that potential becomes a burden. It keeps you stuck. It keeps you waiting for something that is not coming. I've done this with people. I've stayed loyal to the person I thought they would become, even when they showed me clearly who they were. I've done this with projects. I have stayed loyal to the vision of what the project could be.
even when the result told me it was not working. I have done this with plans. I have stayed loyal to the plan I made, even when the circumstances changed and the plan no longer made sense. So loyalty to what is. The shift is that I'm working on is this. I want to be loyal to reality, not the potential. I want to be loyal to what is actually happening, not what I hoped would happen. This does not mean I give up on people or ideas or plans. It means I adjust my loyalty to match the truth of the situation.
Guy Reams (02:27.254)
If someone shows me who they are, I can be loyal to that person, not to the version of them I imagined. If a project is not working, I can be loyal to the effort I put in and the lessons I learned, not to the outcome I wanted. If a plan needs to change, I can be loyal to the goal and adjust the plan, not stay locked into a route that no longer works. This is harder than it sounds. It requires letting go of the story I have told myself. It requires admitting that what I hoped for is not what I got.
It requires accepting reality as it is, not as I wish it were. Staying loyal to potential after reality has made itself clear is just not helpful. So here's what I'm doing now. When I feel that pull of loyalty, I'm going to ask myself this one question. Am I being loyal to what is or am I being loyal to what I hoped it would be?
If the answer is the latter, I'm going to take a step back. I'm going to look at their situation as it actually is. I'm going to adjust my loyalty to match the reality. Loyalty is still a value that I will always hold, but I'm learning to direct it towards what is real and not just what is possible.